Rick & Morty in: Zumba
by Boskov01
Summary: Rick & Morty end up stopped on the planet Zumba and run into some of their usual hijinks. One-shot. Rated M for mature language and content.


**Summary:** Rick & Morty end up stopped on the planet Zumba and run into some of their usual hijinks. One-shot. Rated M for mature language and content.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Rick & Morty.

 **Content warning:** Rick & Morty is clearly not for kids and there might be some suggestive themes here.

 **A/N:** This deranged story popped into my head one night while I was in bed and I decided to put it down here. In terms of timeline, I have no specific point in time within the Rick & Morty universe to place this story so it's just a random R&M story.

* * *

 **Space…**

"So where are we going again, Rick?" Morty asked as he sat in the passenger seat of the car, Rick taking a swig of his flask.

"Geez Morty, ask again seventeen more times." Rick said acerbically, reaching into his lab coat and pulling out a flyer written in an alien language.

"We're heading to a planet that's supposed to be a more convenient source of Type Six Petroleum. Supposedly they're drowning in the stuff. It beats traveling all the way to Gazorpazorp just for a thimble's worth at a ridiculous cost. It's all about that capitalist oligarchy my frie-(belch)-nd." Rick replied as Morty looked at him curiously.

"Can't we get petroleum on Earth, Rick?" Morty asked but Rick rolled his eyes.

"Yes, Morty, we're traveling fifteen hundred thousand lightyears from Earth just to get gas. Fu(bleep) that noise, let's just go home right now." Rick grumbled sarcastically before throwing the flyer in Morty's face.

"I just thought that-." Morty stammered as Rick glared at him.

"Type Six Petroleum is like, si-(belch)-ix times better than the sh(bleep) we use on Earth. I-I-I-It's like pouring liquid gold in your tank. Earth uses type zero which is what type one craps out. I-I-Imagine that a dinosaur takes a dump and that dump becomes a smaller and sh(bleep)ier dinosaur. Then that dinosaur takes a dump and makes another sh(bleep)ier dinosaur. It keeps going until you get to type zero which is about the same number of uses it has." Rick explained.

"Then…why do we use it in our cars, Rick?" Morty asked.

"Because some idiots thought burning type zero petroleum to make the internal combustion engine was a good idea." Rick grumbled.

"So gas emissions do contribute to-?" Morty asked but Rick groaned and interrupted.

"What? No! Think for yourself, don't be a sheep, Morty!" Rick argued as they saw the planet in question approaching.

"But then why is internal combustion a bad thing, Rick? I mean isn't that a good thing?" Morty asked, Rick sighing.

"If you can't figure it out on your own, then there's no point in me explaining it to you." Rick grumbling as they started to set down on the large yellow planet. The planet itself were yellowish mountains and rocks. The area they were approaching looked like a yellow colored version of small town America with pill shaped yellow aliens with arms, legs, and small black eyes and mouths. They set down outside of what appeared to be their version of a gas station.

"Alright, Morty, let me do all the talking." Rick said as they walked towards the door.

"Um, alright." Morty replied, looking around curiously. They walked into the convenience store where Rick walked straight to the man at the counter.

"Hello Zumba, and welcome to Zumba. How may I help you today?" the man greeted cheerfully.

"Uh, yeah, hi, I'm Rick Sanchez of Earth Dimension C-137. This flyer says you've got Type Six Petroleum on sale here." Rick said, holding up the flyer. The alien man took the flyer and smiled at Rick.

"Why yes, we have Zumba here. It's five Zumbas a Zumba." The man said, earning an eyebrow from Rick.

"Yeah sure only I have no idea what a Zumba is or what the exchange rate in schmeckles is." Rick said as Morty wandered off to the candy aisle.

"Oh, Zumbas are the same in Zumbas. Your Zumbas are good here." The man said as Rick scowled at him.

"Okay stop repeating the name of a lame Columbian fitness craze! It's not that exciting and it's annoying as sh(bleep) when Jerry does it in the living room, a-a-a-a-and you can hear it from the garage because he's got the sou-(belch)-nd turned up to deaf-at-forty level." Rick argued as the clerk gave a sympathetic nod.

"Ugh, you've got Zumba on your Zumba too? My Zumba does that in the middle of the Zumba. I feel for you, Zumba." The man said as Rick glared at him.

"There, you did it again. You keep saying Zumba. Why are you saying that word?" Rick asked but the clerk looked clueless.

"Uh, Rick?" Morty asked as he approached.

"Not now, Morty. This guy's really starting to piss me off! G-G-Go play with that arcade game over there or something." Rick said before Morty tapped him on the shoulder.

"But Rick, you might want to see this, Rick!" Morty said as Rick sighed in frustration.

"Just a minute, I'll be back. Don't go anywhere." Rick warned before following Morty to the candy aisle.

"Alright Morty, make this quick before I decide to make Summer an only child." Rick warned as Morty held up a candy bar.

"Look at this Rick, all of this candy, all of it, everything! It's all called Zumba! I can't figure out what it is!" Morty said as Rick looked at the candy bar and then at the items on the shelf before realization hit him.

"Holy sh(bleep), Morty! It's a Marklar planet! It's a Godda(bleep) Marklar pla-(belch)-net, Morty!" Rick exclaimed, Morty flinching slightly.

"A what?!" he asked.

"Didn't you ever see South Park, Morty? Season 3, Episode 13?! The one where they find the planet where every person, place, and thing is called Marklar?! This is the same damn thing, Morty! Only here it's the name of a Columbian dance fitness craze! Look around! Zumba candy! Zumba tires! Zumba beer! Zumba dirty magazines! Zumba condoms and lube! It's like Zumba Fitness LLC's marketing division took a massive crap and this planet was the result!" Rick explained as Morty looked panicked.

"Oh my gosh! What do we do?!" Morty asked but Rick stared at him blankly.

"Easy, we get our sh-(belch)(Bleep) and leave." Rick replied, walking back to the counter, confusing Morty.

"What?! Why were you freaking out just now?!" Morty asked.

"Uh, hello, it's called sarcasm. Geez get a grip, Morty. So, everything and everyone is called Zumba. Big (belch) deal. It's at worst, a nuisance…reminds me of you sometimes." Rick replied, paying the clerk who started filling a large canister full of a shimmering rainbow colored liquid. Morty just stood there looking confused.

"Oh…I guess I uh, just jumped the gun, huh?" Morty asked as Rick shrugged, taking a swig of his flask.

"And that's any different than normal because…how, Morty?" Rick asked as the clerk placed the full canister on the counter, Rick taking the large canister and heading for the door.

"Well I just thought that since you were freaking out, that it was something to freak out about, you know?" Morty asked as Rick put the canister in the back of the car.

"Believe me, Morty, there's far bigger things in this universe to freak out about. There's a planet out the-(belch)-re where some idiot fan of that Star Wars ride at Disney likes to write fanfictions. Believe me, Morty, you see that guy, you panic, alright?" Rick asked as they got into the car.

"Oh, uh alright." Morty replied, unsure of the reasons why.

"And that's the wa~ay the news goes. Wubba-lubba-dub-dub, am I right?" Rick deadpanned, as they took off.

"W-Why'd you say it like that?" Morty asked, Rick narrowing his eyes, reaching over to the console and entering a set of coordinates.

"It's not important, Morty. Oh, uh, before we get home, we need to make a short stop in Florida first. Gotta see a guy about sending us on this bullsh-(bleep) adventure we just went on." Rick replied, reaching into his coat and pulling out his laser pistol.

"Um, okay, what for?" Morty asked.

"Better you not know, Morty. Promised your mother there'd be no murder and killing of aliens this time. Didn't say anything about humans." Rick said as Morty's eyes widened.

"Oh my gosh! You're gonna kill someone!" Morty panicked.

"Duh, get with the program, Morty." Rick argued as he put the car on autopilot before turning back towards the canister of Type Six Petroleum.

"Then what's this stuff for?!" Morty asked as Rick attached a small spigot to the side of the canister, placed his flask underneath and turned the spigot on, his flask filling up with the liquid. Rick took a swig and gulped it down with a satisfied grin.

"Ah, that's the stuff, Morty! This stu-(belch)-uff needed that minty taste to it. Type Six Petroleum, the best mint flavor additive in the universe. This stuff is officially the sh-(bleep)!" Rick replied as Morty looked at him in disbelief.

"What?! You mean we came all this way for some mint flavoring?!" Morty asked as Rick took another swig.

"Fu(bleep) yeah!" Rick replied, turning back towards the front.

"But what was that stuff about the dinosaurs and Earth petroleum being bad?!" Morty asked.

"What about it?" Rick asked, disinterested.

"I…I don't know. I don't know anything anymore." Morty replied, pulling his knees up to his chest. Rick noticed Morty's depressed mood and sighed heavily.

"Wanna hit up Blips and Chitz on the way back?" Rick asked as Morty looked up slightly.

"Uh-huh." Morty replied as they rocketed off into the stars.

* * *

 **The End**

Well that was it. What did you expect some big outlandish story?

Please R&R.


End file.
